Despite popular opinion, our children do come with a manual, God's Word. The Bible provides very clear answers to our questions about discipline. Here are some very important scriptures and useful suggestions on raising obedient children. Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
1. Authority - God has given us authority over our children. When parents fail to establish authority in their children's lives there can be serious consequences. A young child will only be encouraged to rebel, as he grows older, if there is no clear authority figure in his life. In 1 Samuel 2:22-25; 3:12-13 we see that Eli's sons were abusing their authority and acting in wicked ways. Eli eventually reprimanded his sons, but they would not listen. Eli had tolerated sin in his children and ignored it. Maybe like some of us, he didn't want the confrontation! He knew what his sons were doing, but did little about it. The consequences for Eli's household were God's rejection of his household and the death of Eli's sons. 1 Samuel 3:13 For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever for the iniquity which he knoweth; because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not.
2. Start early - Bad habits that have been formed are very hard to break. Training will vary from child to child, but most children are very well aware of what no means before the age of one. Teaching babies to obey the word no should be the first step, then following with other age appropriate training. Psalm 51:5 Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.
3. Define your boundaries - Clearly communicate to your child expectations and consequences before discipline needs to be enforced.
4. Choose your battles wisely - It is important not sweat the small stuff. Sometimes we can overreact to small situations out of frustration. Say yes as much as possible and no when necessary. 2Timothy 3:16-17 All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works.
5. Don't get angry - When we display anger towards our children, we can cause them to become bitter and resentful. Children will not benefit from harsh words and will take it personally. This can do damage to their tender little spirits. We do not want our children's hearts to become hardened, but porous to accept correction generously seasoned with love. Ephesians 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
6. Don't make empty threats - When we make threats and do not follow through, our children will quickly realize that there are no real consequences to their actions. Your authority and word will also become useless. James 5:12 But above all things, my brethren, swear not, neither by heaven, neither by the earth, neither by any other oath: but let your yea be yea; and your nay, nay; lest ye fall into condemnation.
7. Do not raise your voice - Be stern without raising your voice. Raising the decibels will only teach your children that they do not have to respond until they hear mom or dad's loud voice. Matthew 18:10 Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.
8. Correct immediately and consistently - but never in anger. When I wait to discipline my child until later, she will rarely get the correction that she deserves. Time seems to lessen the offense and waiting can cause a busy parent to forget, which is exactly what your child may be hoping. If you are in public, walk to the restroom or the car. Disciplining your child in public is embarrassing to your child and should only be done in a private setting. Proverbs 29:15 The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.
9. No pain no gain - Let the punishment fit the crime. I watched a parent attempt to discipline a four year old for more than an hour, by lightly tapping the child on the bottom fifteen or more times. There was little if any contact made. Throughout the hour, the child's behavior became so out of control that I had to leave. Whether you choose to spank, or another type of discipline, if it is not uncomfortable, it is not going to work. Discipline is not supposed to feel good, however, spanking should only be done when necessary and never in anger. Proverbs 22:15, Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.
10. Don't give warnings - Decide what acceptable behavior in your home is and stick to it. Once the offense has occurred, proceed directly and calmly to the training. When you are consistent, your child will quickly learn what is expected of him. Proverbs 6:23 For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life.
11. Do not reward partial obedience - If you tell your child that he must pick up his room and you find that he has only completed half the job and then receives no discipline or even worse, a reward, he will soon learn that his laziness and partial obedience is acceptable. 1 John 3:18 My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.
12. Avoid giving a small child choices - Giving a young child a choice in making decisions, for example, what he wants to eat or wear, just gives the child an opportunity to show his authority.
13. Lavish your child with love - Before you discipline talk with your child about what has occurred and why he must be disciplined. After discipline, discuss the reasons for the discipline and what God expects from His children. Children should be taught that we as parents must answer to God for the way we raise them and that we are under God's authority, just as they are under ours. After correction, show your child that you love him and that he is forgiven by hugging and kissing him. Proverbs 3:12 For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth. 2 Corinthians 2:6-8 Sufficient to such a man is this punishment, which was inflicted of many. So that contrariwise ye ought rather to forgive him, and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow. Wherefore I beseech you that ye would confirm your love toward him.
14. Encourage and praise - When your children are helpful and obedient, shower them with praise. As adults, we like to know when we are being helpful and doing a good job. So do our children. Praise and encouragement is a fabulous motivator. Galatians 5:22, 23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
15. Spend time, be interested - Children need to know that we are interested in things that they enjoy and in their opinions. By sending a very clear signal to our children that we enjoy their company and want to spend time with them, will most certainly build strong family ties. Children only look for outside attention when they do not feel understood or valued at home. Psalms 127:3 Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
16. Focus on matters of the heart and not behavior - It is important to know whether your child is acting out of willful disobedience or childish immaturity. Some actions are clearly made because they don't know any better and the behavior would correct itself with a firm voice and a loving command. Proverbs 20:11 Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right.
17. Have age appropriate expectations - My grandmother used to say, "You can't put a big head on little shoulders." Children at a young age clearly may not be intellectually ready for certain tasks. For instance, I realize that my nineteen month old is in no way ready to sit still in church service. Make sure before you ask your child to obey he can understand and follow what is being asked of him. Matthew 19:14 But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.
18. Say you are sorry when wrong - Most importantly, do not forget to say you are sorry and ask for forgiveness when you hurt your child with word or actions. We all fall short and our children need to understand that we are very capable of sin. When they understand this, they will be a lot less likely to feel we are being hypocritical and they will certainly respect you for humbling yourself and asking for forgiveness. There is no better way to teach them than by being an example. Romans 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;
Hallie Stevenson is a homeschooling, work at home, single mother of four children and the owner of Blue Thistle Books, a bookstore that specializes in homeschool curriculum and educational materials for home educators. You can find more information at bluethistlebooks.com bluethistlebooks.com, or at bluethistlehomeschool.com/blog bluethistlehomeschool.com/blog