Were you surprised to learn that you had ADD (attention deficit disorder) when you took your son or daughter to the doctor to find out why they had difficulty paying attention? You probably also learned that there is a 25 - 35% probability that if you have ADD, your child will too. Don't blame yourself! It's not your fault. It's just simple genetics that you have no control over, and if you take a negative attitude, it can depress you. On the other hand, you may have been relieved to finally have an answer to feelings you've had since childhood but could never put a finger on. Put any negativity out of your mind right now! Focus on your strengths and weaknesses, and in the process you'll probably lose your bad feelings. Taking positive action leads to having success with ADD, for both you and your child with ADD.
When you're married with a family, you may find that ADD tendencies make life stressful. American households have traditionally been the responsibility of the woman to organize, though things are changing. But when you're it, and you can't quite meet up to the societal pressures, feelings of guilt may also enter the picture. This whole scenario is compounded when you work outside your home.
You need some ADD-friendly ways to help you.
If you do well at work, but are a complete basket case when it comes to making things work at home, it's probably because there are schedules at work that go well with your ADD. But our homes usually don't have the same structures. Things just go along as they come up. But making schedules at home can be a great way to make things less stressful for you, especially if you work outside the home and have far less time to cope with all the expectations that accompany family life.
Household chores do not have to be your exclusive domain. Your partner should be responsible for some of the home chores, and if you have kids, depending on their ages, you may be able to delegate some of the chores to them, too. Around 5 years old, they should be able to do simple things like set the table. As the kids get older, delegate more complex chores like sorting the laundry. They can and should help out and take over some of the stuff you're expected to have done, but that's falling through the cracks. And don't think of it as pawning off your own responsibilities on your children. Though that's the benefit, the object should also be to teach them responsibility. If you include an allowance in exchange for the work they do, you'll also teach them the value of money. How great is that?
Then, decide what you're still totally responsible for handling, and schedule those tasks in. For instance, on Monday, do the vacuuming. On Tuesday, maybe it's the grocery store. Wednesday might be laundry day or whatever. Get some kind of planner that you always have access to, and write it all down or use some electronic version that will schedule repeat tasks automatically. But when you see all these things in writing, suddenly, they don't seem so daunting. Plus, you won't have to worry that you forgot to do something because it will be right there, in front of you.
Waking up and going to bed at around the same time every day may be helpful, too. Eat your main meals at the same time every day. Do things with your kids at the same time every day and so on. Though not everything in life should be structured, having a loose idea of what's going on during the day will make you feel more secure. And if you work outside your home, try having "nights," like "pizza night," "fun night," and "learning night," or something like that. It will help you to know what to do when you're too tired to figure something out.
Be particularly aware if you have ADD bouts of temper. When things get really hectic, be careful that you don't take it out on your kids. Things can get crazy at times like dinner when you're trying to prepare a meal and the kids get into some mischief with the TV blaring and the cat trying to trip your every step. Don't let it totally frustrate you and make you want to explode!
As you know, we can't control all situations, and distractions make us irritable when we're trying to concentrate and can't. So, when you're doing something complex, like cooking for example, ask someone else to be referee in the family room. In fact, ask your partner or someone else who's available to watch the kids in another room while you do what you need to do without the distractions. Or, just don't cook! Catering isn't as expensive as you might think when you consider the time taken to go out and buy the food, cook the meal, etc. Maybe having someone else prepare your meals isn't such a bad idea.
Yet, if you love to cook, or you just can't afford to eat out a lot or to have meals catered in, why not prepare them when the kids are at school and keep the food in the refrigerator or freezer until just before dinner? Or, if you're a single parent, what about hiring a babysitter just to watch the kids while you're doing something as complicated as preparing a good meal? You can make an ADD-friendly system that will work for any circumstance on any budget.
Things happen, though, no matter how much you try to plan ahead. When you're feeling like you want to explode, go into another room for a while and give yourself time to chill out and get back to normal. Give yourself some time to put situations back into perspective. Emotional outbursts don't help you or anyone else and they won't solve your frustrations. They'll just deepen your guilt.
ADD women are also subject to substance abuse, and they tend to hide their problems from other people, even their closest confidants. Drugs, alcohol and cigarettes can all be forms of self-medication. You just want to feel better, but none of this will help your ADD. If you feel as if you're developing any kind of dependence, seek the help of a professional, and don't wait. You have many options that aren't damaging to yourself and your family. You just have to know what they are and how to implement them.
First, stop blaming yourself. You never asked for ADD, and in some ways, it's a great advantage. You're undoubtedly highly intelligent. You think faster and more creatively than most people, and you have a tremendous capacity to focus. Realize that those things make you very special and look for possibilities, not obstacles. instantaddsuccess.com/" target="_blank Use ADD to your own advantage.
Attention deficit is nothing to be depressed about. It undoubtedly makes you very special, but if you don't concentrate on realizing your own strengths and weaknesses, it can interfere with your life. Learning you have ADD can open up new possibilities for you. Use your strengths and find ADD-friendly ways of overcoming the shortfalls. If you need professional help to do this, so be it. Ask for what you need. That's the first step in attaining a better state of mind.
Tellman Knudson is CEO of OvercomeEverything, Inc. and a certified hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner who has helped many clients instantaddsuccess.comachieve ADD Success. Visit his comprehensive library of ADD information and join the forum at InstantADDSuccess.com ( instantaddsuccess.com instantaddsuccess.com)